Crossroads
by The Bloody Countess
Summary: Mainly Heero Yuy's thoughts on a certain Vice Foreign Minister...Slightly AU in the fact that Trowa and Cathrine when mentioned here are not siblings...please R&R!!!


Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing and I never will…the song "Crossroads" is property of Don McLean, taken from his album, "American Pie" and doesn't belong to me either. However, the songfic is of my intellectual property and I will not allow reprinting or copying of the said songfic without my permission.  
  
  
  
CROSSROADS  
  
A songfic by Mainime  
  
  
  
// I've got nothing on my mind: //  
  
  
  
It's been so long…two years, three? Maybe even more, but I've lost count. All I know is that it has been like eternity since I last saw your face. Since I last beheld those blue-green eyes of yours whose depths drowned me every time. I have tried, ever so often, to forget you….to forget your face, the melody of your voice that seemed like a song in my head…  
  
  
  
// Nothing to remember, //  
  
  
  
I cannot seem to understand, cannot seem to grasp why my mind has these thoughts of you. You, I reasoned, were nothing like me. And I was nothing like you. I was of the darkness, you were of the light. You were pure, I was not.  
  
  
  
// Nothing to forget.  
  
And I've got nothing to regret, //  
  
  
  
But for all these reasons, I couldn't get you out of my head. Everything seemed to lead me back to one thing: Seeing you again. Duo would have found it ridiculous that I would have called you an angel. He always said I could offend women in less than ten syllables, and to hear that word, that 'endearment' coming from my mouth, would have made him collapse with laughter.  
  
  
  
// But I'm all tied up on the inside,  
  
And no one knows quite what I've got; //  
  
  
  
But yes, you were an angel as much as I was a demon. You reached out to me, to everyone. You had love big enough to encompass an entire universe in it. And yet, I mocked you so foolishly for your actions.  
  
  
  
// And I know that on the outside  
  
What I used to be, I'm not anymore. //  
  
  
  
There is this pain. So much ache in every part of my body. My chest tightens time and again, like my entire being is held in a vise-like grip. You tried to make me human, you tried to end my suffering. But I could not let it go. I could not, unlike my fellows who seemed to have found their lives in the women who have redeemed their souls.  
  
  
  
// You know I've heard about people like me,  
  
But I never made the connection. //  
  
  
  
Trowa has Cathrine, and their son, Leon is a testament to the love that they share. Duo and Hilde have been living together since before everyone else found their loves. Quatre and Dorothy, the most unlikely couple…they have been secretly seeing each other when time allows it. Wufei, although he has his traditional opinions about women, loves Sally like no other, treats her like she is the very half of his tattered soul.  
  
  
  
// They walk one road to set them free  
  
And find they've gone the wrong direction. //  
  
  
  
And I? I have no one. I cannot afford to have anyone. My hands are those that know nothing but destruction. I've walked down a path full of death, you walked the opposite path. But when I tried to tell you, you wouldn't heed me. I pushed you away then, telling you that I could never feel for you. And your eyes filled with a pain that I felt. A pain that we shared.  
  
  
  
// But there's no need for turning back  
  
`Cause all roads lead to where I stand. //  
  
  
  
You thought I could never return your feelings. That you were cursed with the feeling of unrequited love. But if I could only tell you that you were the only reason I had to go on fighting, that you were, in fact, ALL my reasons for striving so hard to achieve your dream, you would realize that I could feel. For all my iniquities, I could feel. For all my lies and pretense, I could actually feel something unexplainable towards you.  
  
  
  
// And I believe I'll walk them all  
  
No matter what I may have planned. //  
  
  
  
I am at your door now, hesitant to knock for fear that I would fail you and you would reject me. Or is it the other way around now, I can't remember. You always understood, or tried to understand, no matter what I did to you. No matter how much I tried to hurt you.  
  
  
  
// Can you remember who I was?  
  
Can you still feel it? //  
  
  
  
Are you behind the door? Can you feel my presence outside? My feet are rooted to the ground. I can't move, I can't think. I don't even know if I am still breathing. The air is thick around me, heavy with tension from waiting. I want to run away! God, do I ever! The fear in me now is mounting, threatening to explode, threatening to bring me to my knees.  
  
  
  
// Can you find my pain?  
  
Can you heal it? //  
  
  
  
But even before I can turn away, the door opens. And once again, I am greeted by the sight of you. I can only watch and wonder in silence, taking in the vision you present me with. Time seems to have stopped for me, but I welcome it, drinking into your presence like a man lost in the Sahara, searching for water to quench his thirst.  
  
  
  
// Then lay your hands upon me now  
  
And cast this darkness from my soul. //  
  
  
  
You have grown taller, leaner, more beautiful than the last. Your face is more regal, more defined, making you look more like a woman than a girl. Your hair has been swept up and away from your face, clearly outlining the elegant curves of your face and the exquisite texture of you skin. Yet for these changes, I notice that you have retained some things about you since your girlhood years.  
  
  
  
// You alone can light my way. //  
  
  
  
Your eyes remain the same unchanging color of blue-green, with the same long lashes that fringe them like a curtain. Your lips are still the same…rosy, perfectly shaped to tempt any man for a kiss, to beg them for it and leave them insane and wanting more.  
  
  
  
// You alone can make me whole once again. //  
  
  
  
"Heero?" You whisper, shock evident in your voice. Though soft, I can also hear the change in your voice. Your voice has turned more modulated, more soothing, with a rich mezzo-soprano tone that sends chills down my spine. You no longer possess the higher-pitched voice of your younger days and I regret not being there to see the changes take place in you.  
  
  
  
// We've walked both sides of every street //  
  
  
  
"You've…changed, Relena," I whisper back, finding my voice. I know it's the most ridiculous thing to say at the moment, but you don't seem to mind and just gaze back at me with those eyes that held me captive ever since I first saw you. I see so many things in your eyes: Hope, laughter, longing, uncertainty, and pain. I see so much of them in your eyes, but you bravely try to hide it by smiling at me.  
  
  
  
// Through all kinds of windy weather. //  
  
  
  
Your smile isn't enough to mask the pain. It doesn't even reach your eyes and I feel remorse washing over me again. "I'm sorry."  
  
  
  
// But that was never our defeat //  
  
  
  
This time, my voice is a notch clearer and you draw back, surprised. "Why are you apologizing?" you ask me. I stop, finding nothing more to say, so I act this time on my emotions, something I haven't done for so long, and I step forward and envelope you in my embrace.  
  
  
  
/ /As long as we could walk together. //  
  
  
  
Your warmth is calming, acting as a balm on my tortured soul, easing my pain. I feel so much peace, so much comfort in you. You return the hug, pressing closer against me and say nothing. There is no need for words. No need for spoken promises. The silent one you offer is enough for me. And I know that I can now make the promise with you.  
  
  
  
// So there's no need for turning back //  
  
  
  
I step into your room, feeling a genuine smile light my face for the very first time. I see a light dancing in your eyes as you return my smile with your own and I lean in to share my first kiss with you. You pull away first, breathless and smiling with those lips of yours that offer me a sweetness I will hunger for the rest of my life.  
  
  
  
// `Cause all roads lead to where we stand. //  
  
  
  
I close the door behind me, leaving my past as a soldier to fade into oblivion, as I step into my future with you by my side.  
  
  
  
// And I believe we'll walk them all //  
  
  
  
And in my mind, I know that this time will be for all of eternity.  
  
  
  
// No matter what we may have planned. //  
  
  
  
*******  
  
OWARI 


End file.
